ETERNITIES AND YOU.

 Sarah: What if we get sick of each other?

Nyles: We’re already sick of each other, it’s the best!

(Above excerpt from Palm Springs-2020)

 

It’s not like I’ve never thought of what would happen if I were stuck in a time loop, where every day would be the same, the same waking up alone in the bed, the same morning routine, the same menial tasks, the ones I did yesterday and the ones I’ll be doing tomorrow. It’s not like I haven’t given a thought of what I would do. I most probably would be trying out different ways to kill myself every day because I know I would not be able to live in that kind of life; I’m not made to live a constant life. Maybe I’d have my share of fun in the beginning, going places I’ve never been before, wearing clothes I haven’t before, possessing things I haven’t had before and even after having everything I ever wanted, the night would fall, the clock would reset and I would wake up again, in the same bed, alone.

I could although live an entire lifetime, a million repeats with you by my side, holding me close, wiping my tears before they’d even roll down my cheeks, having your arms around me with your hand in mine. I would feel honored to have been stuck in this loop with you. And even though we would be waking up every day in our different beds, maybe miles away, I would still run to you at an instant because even though I would have a lifetime with you, I wouldn’t want to waste even a single minute when you’re not by my side. But I’ll always be afraid, afraid that you’d get sick of me, sick of my voice, my touch, my skin, my lips, my hands in yours, I’m afraid you’d get sick of me but I’d still run to you every morning, because I would never get sick of you.

I’m afraid you’d wake up one day and want to get out of this ordeal and would search for ways to get out and I would be helpless enough to let you go. Because that’s what love is right? Letting go? And even if you’d want to get out, I’ll follow you because being alone right is still better that being alone stuck in a day that would only repeat itself.

 I’ve come to a conclusion that in a way we’re nothing but imperfect fools stuck in a cycle of extraordinary expectations. I mean think of it? Instead of having a single day repeat over and over again we’ve got entire lifetimes repeating on us. And the worst part? We don’t remember a single thing from our past, we live maybe the same, maybe different lives over and over again on loops without having even a single idea of our previous ones. I’m not complaining, even if I was, it means nothing I’m just an insignificant point in a multitude of 7.8 billion people, on a planet among 7 others in a solar system out of more than 500 solar systems in a galaxy called Milky way out of an estimate of 2 million - 2 trillion in a universe out of how many even Google doesn’t know.

But I know, I'd always be happy with you.